Helpless, does not mean hopeless

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2011 / 05 / 23

This afternoon I have received a phone call from my (western) doctor in order to inform me about the blood examination result. The doctor calls me in person, so I did know immediately that the result must be bad.
And indeed it was bad. This is something, I cannot change and I also cannot influence, even not in the future. I felt and still feel helpless. This makes me sad and also a bit angry.
During work and even now my hands are shaking as I feel just uncertain about my coming future.
I need to calm down, I need to relax … or otherwise I make myself crazy.

Ah, I just remembered, there is one thing I can do:
Nobu, please do not give up (the hope)!

Welcome to Neverland

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2011 / 05 / 21

Yesterday I saw a name card of our supplier on my colleague’s table, which is special for me as the name of the contact person is Patric Pan.
Whenever I see this family name, I remember my meeting with Peter Pan (this is his real name!) in the train from Guangzhou to Hong Kong. He has just attend the Canton Fair same as me. I met him already on the way to the Canton Fair, but we did not talk. So when we met again on the way back to Hong Kong, we need to laugh and talk.
“Nice to meet you, I am Peter Pan. I can fulfill all your dreams. But please do not tell it to my wife.” he introduced himself and pointed on his wife, which was showing me proudly what she has bought at the Canton fair: Pearl necklaces. When I saw this scene, I was wondering, if he is really Peter Pan, then she must be the pirate James Hook. I wanted to know her name immediately and started to talk, but then interrupted by Peter Pan “And you, young lady, what is your name?” I answered with a big smile “I am Tinker Bell. My first name is Tinker and family name is Bell. I am so glad to meet you, Peter Pan.” His wife suddenly stood up and showed me her huge amount of white pearl necklaces “By the way, I am Captain James Hook!”

Happy Chinese Progress

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2011 / 05 /20

Recently I am really happy about my progress of Chinese speaking skills. Surely my pronunciation still needs to be improved, but I am not that shy and afraid to talk Chinese as before. There are several occasions I will start talking Chinese from the beginning of a conversation. This is a big progress for me!

Few months ago I used to tell the cab driver “Hello, I would like to go to xxx.” Most of the cab driver does not know what I am talking about. So once I recognized that they do not understand English, I switched to Chinese. But recently is different. Once I get into the cab, I immediately say “你好,我想去xxx地方.” The whole conversation with the cab driver is in Chinese! Wow! I am surprised by myself! Before I was struggling so much, but now, Chinese words just come out from my mouth without thinking so much. So, I am really happy about this.

And there are a lot of situations like that. Up to few months ago I always used to use English first and then Chinese. But now is the other way around. Even in the restaurant, market, bus … Actually, it is very important to speak. When I speak, I can do mistake (I am still a learner), and then I can learn from it. Then the progress is coming automatically.

My MC-friends Sabrina, Tina, Leo, Forrest, Jean and Mike are supporting me a lot. They are always talking or writing me in Chinese. Because of them I started to be able to talk and also be able to be more relaxed for Chinese conversation. Thank you so much!! I am very glad to know you!

This is MY life

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2011 / 05 / 19

Yesterday I was very sad and also disappointed by the words and attitude of my doctor.

From my point of view a doctor should tell me honestly body condition and also diagnose, but they should not comment my private life. This is not her business!

I am attending this doctor for around 3 years already and I got the impression before that she is quite open-minded, but yesterday I need to admit she is not THAT open-minded. The purpose I went to the doctor, was a just a regular body-check-up.

Beside diagnose, she highly recommends me to marry soon, get pregnant and deliver babies, as I am already in this age. If I do not do so, then probably the society will not accept me. Honestly, it is not the first time a western style doctor tells me like this. But I really do not understand, why a western style doctor can tell such a sentence. All of the western style doctors I am attending in HKG studied overseas, they suppose to have modern thinking or got to know different cultures and habits, but no, they do not. Actually, get a boyfriend at 24, get married with 26, and get baby before 30 years old, is a traditional Chinese thinking. But my TCM doctor never tells my something like this!

This is my life and I would like to decide about it myself! Further on, the world outside is changing. There are couples in the modern world they are going to marry, when they are 60 years old. And I am happy for them! It is not strange at all!! Come on, the world is changing!  And one day, dear doctor, I believe there will be husband at my side – no matter, how old I am!

My friend highly recommends me to forget the non-sense-recommendation by this doctor.
Yesterday I was sad, but today I am happy again!
Welcome back, Happy的貌美如花 (Girl, which is beautiful like a flower)!

My flatmate and me

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2011 / 05 / 17

Last week CC moved into my home, we are now flatmates and sharing our house.
2 weeks ago CC decided  to be my room mate after she stayed night in my home to see whether the location is convinient for her or not. I am very happy about her decision. Not only financial wise, but also for our friendship. She offered me already to speak Chinese every day. Her Chinese is quite ok. I met CC in 2006 on a new year’s party. But at that time we have not had such a good friendship.
In 2007 I was lying in the hospital for a while. When my friend was lying in the hospital in Germany, none of his friends visited him. It makes me sad, because in my opinion friends are there for happiness and unhappiness. My friend and I have been forced to face the reality: a lot of “friends” like happiness, but do not like unhappiness, it is too troublesome. That’s why I expected none of my friends will visit me in the hospital. I was wrong. 6 of my friends visited me. They did not know each other, but they made a plan, so that I was never alone in the hospital during the visiting hours. Whenever I woke up, there was always a friend and cheered me up by a energy drink, photos taken from outside or by funny stories. They even visited me at home for a while, when I have been discharged from hospital, but still need to stay at home. Since that day I really really appreciate their friendship from my bottom of my heart. CC is one of them.

Chinese makes me happy

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最近我说很多普通话。非常非常高兴。越来越不怕!谢谢我朋友们支持我梦想!最近我也开始mix up语言。昨天我跟德国的同事说德文,突然开始说中文。他听不懂。我跟香港的同事说英文,我也突然说中文。但是他们听懂因为他们也说普通话,所以没关系。虽然mix up语言是不好,但是现在很高兴。At this moment I would like to treasure this feeling, which makes me truly happy.

Recently I started to speak more Mandarin Chinese, I am very happy about it. I am not that afraid any more to talk Mandain Chinese. Thank you to my friends supporting my dream! Recently I have also started to mix up languages. Yesterday I was talking to my German colleague, suddenly I switched to Chinese. He did not understand anything. When I am talking English with my HKG colleague, I also switch into Mandarin, but I think it does not matter so much, as they can also talk Mandarin. Although I know mixing languages, is not good, I am very happy. At this moment I would like to treasure this feeling, which makes me truly happy.

In letzter Zeit rede ich immer mehr Mandarin Chinesisch, ich freue mich sehr darueber. Je mehr ich Chinesisch rede, desto weniger wird meine Angst. Danke an all meine Freunde, die meinen Traum unterstuetzen. In letzter Zeit habe ich auch angefangen Sprachen zu mischen. Gestern redete ich mit meinem deutschen Kollegen Deutsch, dann habe ich auf einmal angefangen Chinesisch zu reden. Er hat im wahrsten Sinne des Wortes nur Chinesisch verstanden. Wenn ich mit meinen HKG Kollegen spreche, kommt es auch vor, dass ich auf einmal Mandarin spreche, aber ich finde das ist nicht so schlimm, weil sie auch Mandarin sprechen koennen. Auch wenn ich weiss, dass mischen der Sprachen nicht gut ist, geniesse ich zur Zeit diesen Moment. Dieses Gefuehl moechte ich erstmal geniessen. Es ist ein schoenes Gefuehl.

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